Unrequited Love
by Amplify. Your. Imagination
Summary: Harry is in love with his godfather, Sirius Black. When Harry tells him, there is a moment of bliss, and then there is pain. How long will it last? Slash OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, because if I did, there would be gay couples.**

**Okay guys, this is my first slash, so I hope it is alright.**

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Harry James Potter was staying in Grimauld Place with his godfather Sirius Black for the past 2 months. It was summer time, and he had just ended his fifth year in Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry. He hadn't had to go to his relatives' house this summer. Why, you ask?

During the battle in the Department of Mysteries, Harry had known it was all a trap. He was supposed to be in Slytherin after all. He knew that Voldemort hadn't really had his godfather, having studied Occlumency with Snape that year, he had read enough about fake visions being sent to the mind to know the difference. He had gone in there knowing what he had to do, and he had done it. He had ended Voldemort, once and for all.

What Voldemort didn't know when he had used Harry's blood for his resurrection, was that he then gave Harry control of his body. Harry could rid his blood from Voldemort's body when he wanted to. When that had been done, he was as good as dead. Harry set his body on fire, and the Dark Lord Voldemort was no more. Most of his Death Eaters were found and taken to Azkaban to receive the Dementor's Kiss. There were a few others, lesser in rank than most, that were sentenced to a cell, but either way, they were all captured. Peter Pettigrew was questioned and they found out that Sirius really was innocent. It had been a good night all in all, tiring but good.

So, here Harry was, the end of the summer, and he had one more thing to get done before he went back this year. You see, Harry was in love with his godfather. He knew it was wrong, in his mind, but he couldn't seem to get his heart to believe the same thing. Maybe it was because he was the only person who had shown him real affection, not just in a friendly way. Maybe he had just been under the Crucio curse to long in his fourth year. He didn't know, but he didn't care either. All that mattered was getting Sirius to see that it wasn't a bad thing.

Sirius had to have some idea of his feelings because it seemed to Harry, that at every word out of his mouth, there was an innuendo laced in it somewhere. One night, Harry had come down to get something to drink, and as he was bent over in the fridge, he felt fingers creep up his spin. Seeing as he was shirtless, the skin on skin contact made his nerve endings instantly on end. He had straightened quickly, muttered something under his breath about being tired, before trying to make a beeline for the stairs.

If only Sirius could have left it at that.

"I hadn't meant to scare you, I just couldn't resist." He had said.

Harry's dick had taken that as a welcome sign and had gotten to full mast in under 3 seconds. He said that was alright, obviously without turning around, and made his way up the stairs with a quiet 'good night' following in his wake.

Although, there had been something in Sirius' voice that had made Harry wonder if maybe his feeling were returned after all, he was just too scared, or harbored to much guilt, to act. The next day, he acted as if nothing had happened, so Harry followed suit.

But now with only a week left, he would ask Sirius. He would ask him what he felt. Harry knew that this could end two different ways. He could end up with his heart broken, or incredibly happy. And to say that he was terrified would be the biggest understatement of the millennia.

That night, would be a night he never forgot, no matter how long he lived.

He and Sirius had sat by the fire in the dark living room, Sirius with his usual nightly glass of firewhisky, and Harry with his coffee. The living room had to long sofas facing each other, both a deep burgundy, a big, comfortable, fluffy recliner in between them, same color, and a long coffee table in the middle, made of a deep cherry wood. They all were facing the fire place. Sirius sat in the recliner and Harry sat on the sofa to his right. It was now or never, Harry thought.

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." He responded with a chuckle.

"I am serious."

"So am I."

"Sirius!"

"Alright, alright, what is it Harry?"

Sirius heard Harry take a deep breath then let it out slowly.

"What would you say…if I told you that I loved you?"

Sirius was puzzled for a minute, not grasping what Harry meant. "I love you too, Harry. What would think I would say?"

Harry got up from his spot on the couch and knelt in front of his godfather. "No, Sirius. I mean I love you. I am in love with you."

Sirius, for a moment, thought Harry was kidding. But one look into his beautiful emerald eyes told him otherwise. Sirius sat there shocked for a minute, lost in his thoughts.

Of course, he had fantasized now and then about his godson, had even wanked to thoughts of his hot mouth around his cock, but he had always banished those thoughts quickly, saying that he just needed to get laid, and besides, the guilt and shame would always eat its way into his chest.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to tell Harry he didn't feel the same way, Harry would take that horrible wrong he knew, so what did one say when their godson said he was in love with you?

"Harry….I love you, I always will, but only as my god son. Think of what James would say. Do you think he would want to see his best friend with his son, even if it was only because I'm 20 years your elder?"

It was a low blow. He knew it was. But he had no other choice. He had to make Harry see that this wasn't right, before he really got hurt.

"I think my father would want me to be happy. You as well. Why would he want anything different?"

"Harry-"

"Please Sirius. I know that we could be happy. I could make you happy. Please let me show you. Let me love you."

Before Sirius could say anything to stop him, Harry's lips were on his. He stayed frozen for a minute, but his lips didn't leave. They just slowly moved, trying to coax a response from him. Finally, Sirius gave into his greatest temptation. He started to respond to the kiss, liking the feeling of Harry's lips more and more.

Hands burrowed their way into his shoulder length, dark brown almost black, hair as Sirius grabbed Harry and pulled him up to straddle his lap. He had dreamt of this, never allowing himself the pleasure of actually having it, but now that he did, how was he going to let it go again? He knew he would have to soon, but right now, he would just enjoy the feeling, and deal with the consequences later.

The kiss went from slow and sensual, to heated and passionate quickly. Sirius soon stood, urging Harry to wrap his legs around his waist, and carried him blindly up two flights of stairs to his room. He laid him gently on the bed and broke the kiss to look down at the sight he made.

Harry's hair was always mussed, but now it looked even more so, his chest was heaving trying to catch his breath, his green hooded eyes darkened with lust, desire, and the most prominent, love. All in all, he was the most beautiful thing that Sirius had ever seen. He told him so.

"Please Sirius. Make love to me." Harry begged in a breathy voice that only further increased Sirius desire for him.

He quickly began to divest himself of clothing, saving Harry for last. Once he was full naked, he crawled on top of Harry, kissing his soft lips. He pulled away, only to continue on down his neck, sucking the flesh, tasting a light sheen of sweat and Harry's own musky flavor. He grasped the hem of Harry's shirt and tugged upwards, indicating for him to sit up so he could pull it all the way off.

Harry got the message and sat up so he could get his shirt off himself. Once it was gone, Sirius ran his hands over his chest, tweaking each nipple in turn, before lowering his head to one, sucking like a baby would from their mother. Harry moaned above him, and Sirius knew that sound would forever be embedded into his head. He kissed down to his belly button, swirling his tongue inside, fucking the opening with it. He continued to tease it while his hand traced the top of Harry's jeans lightly.

"Please, love, stop teasing me. I need you inside me, please."

But Sirius didn't want this to end anytime soon. If this was the only time he could have Harry, then he would make damn sure he made it last. But he would be merciful just once this night. He continued down to Harry's waist line, undid his jeans, and pulled them, along with his black briefs, down his legs and off. He looked down at Harry's erection, it looked about 8 inches in length and 2 in girth. It was uncut and absolutely the most beautiful body part on this boy in front of him. He leaned down and licked at the drop of pre-cum leaking from the slit. He tasted slightly bitter, a little salty, but more sweet than anything. He fell in love with the taste instantly.

His own cock was so hard it was almost painful, but he could wait. Right now, he just wanted to worship his young lover's body. Speaking of which, Harry was writhing in pleasure, jutting his hips upward gently, wanting Sirius to touch him. He took in the sight of his godfather's body fully and almost drooled. He had hard muscles, a light sprinkle of body hair between his pecks and a line of dark hair leading from his belly button down to his beautiful prick. It stood out from his body at about 9 inches. He was a tad nervous, seeing that this was his first time, but he trusted Sirius not to hurt him.

Harry felt a warm, wet mouth close around the head of his cock, and groaned in ecstasy as Sirius started to suck gently.

Sirius lowered his mouth to the bulbous head below him, and wrapped his lips around it, teasing Harry with light suction, not nearly enough to bring him to orgasm. He started to bob his head up and down, hallowing his cheeks to take him in farther. Suddenly, he took Harry's entire length into his throat, sucking hard, his nose nestled into Harry's wiry black pubic hair, chin on his balls. He looked up just in time to see his back arch beautifully and a delicious moan to come out of his mouth.

He released Harry's cock, and moved to mouth his balls. He took first one, than the other into his mouth, before taking them mouth in. He lubed then copiously with his saliva, leave strings of it connecting his mouth and the sac together when he moved it yet again.

Sirius lifted Harry's thighs over his shoulders, spreading them wider, finally seeing the hole he was about to become very familiar with. He let his tongue snake out and trace it, barely close enough to tickle. Harry whimpered above him, he knew that his teasing was working. He pushed closer, loving the taste, and plunged his tongue in as far as he could. He retreated and plunged back in, in and out, in and out, before alternating to just rimming the entrance.

When he felt Harry was lubed up enough, he pulled away, enjoying Harry's mewl of disappointment, dropped his legs, and got to his knees. He looked deep into Harry's eyes, looking for hesitation, fear, any sign that he didn't want this. When he didn't find one, he muttered a lubrication charm for his fingers, no matter how much he lubricated his hole, you could never be too careful. He slowly breached Harry's tight ass with his index finger, the hot cavern sucking him in farther. He moved it in and out a few times before he worked in a second finger. Harry surprising never tensed up, only moaned at the intrusions. Sirius vaguely wondered if he had done this before, to himself maybe, but banished the thought quickly. He felt Harry was ready for a third finger, and soon he would be ready for much more.

The third finger was next to the others deep inside Harry, and Sirius pumped them in and out trying to find his prostate. When he did, the moan Harry let out, was perfect.

"Please Sirius, I want to come with you inside me, please make me yours."

Harry's begging was the last straw for Sirius. He pulled out his fingers, murmured another lubrication charm, and lined his now slick erection with his lover's hole.

He slowly pushed against the tight ring of muscles, watching Harry's face for any signs of discomfort. His head inside, he slowly, inch by agonizing inch, pushed into Harry's tight heat, not stopping until he was balls deep. He leaned over his godson, kissing away the pained expression on his face. Harry felt like virgin tightness surrounding his dick. He never wanted to leave this heaven.

Harry's moan of "move" broke his trance. He started with slow shallow thrusts into the man below him. When he started to moan as Sirius hit his prostate, he sped up, using longer strokes. Soon, he had them both panting and close, so close, to orgasm. He wrapped his hand around Harry's forgotten cock and pumped along with his thrusts. Harry came hard after only the third pump, his body having been so stimulated before Sirius entered him. His ass muscles clenched down on the cock inside of him. The spasm of Harry's muscles pushed Sirius over the figurative edge to orgasm with Harry. Long spurts of sperm filled Harry as they moaned each other's names.

Harry woke up about an hour later lying across his godfather's chest. It took him a minute to recall why he was here, but when he did, feeling his lover's come leak out of his hole, a smile covered his face and he snuggled closer to Sirius.

"Harry?"

Sirius' voice surprised him, he'd thought he was still a sleep. He looked up at his face and knew something was wrong. He had this cold, distant look about him. It sent a feeling of dread straight to Harry's stomach.

"Sirius? What's wrong?"

"This can't happen again, Harry. I won't let it happen again. It was wrong to have done it in the first place."

"Why not? I thought-"

"You thought what, Harry? That this was more than just a fuck? You are my dead best friend's son. You are my godson. You think that you love me, but you are only 16. You will get older and realize that you didn't and regret this. I know I already do."

By the time he was done, Harry had felt his heart crack in his chest. Never before had he felt this much pain, physical or emotional. The Crucio didn't even hurt this bad, and that was fueled by the hatred of his enemy. But Sirius' voice, that cold, arrogant voice, was enough to bring Harry to his knees.

But, surprising even himself, his voice was firm, though he sounded resigned, with his next words. "Fine. You can go on like this never happened, you can even regret what we just did together. But know this, I won't. I will spend the rest of my life loving you whether you believe it or not. And I am sorry. I'm sorry that I even tried."

Harry then got up from the bed, slipped on his shirt briefs and pants, and grabbed his wand. He walked to the door, but before leaving, he turned around and said one last thing.

"I am sorry that I ruined our relationship Sirius, I know that it will never be the same, but I am not sorry that this happened. That we happened. I love you, Sirius. More than you will ever know. I will fire call Dumbledore in the morning and go back to Hogwarts early. Goodbye."

With that he walked out. Out of the room. Out of Sirius' life. With only the hope that he can contain his tears until he got to his room. And that maybe one day, this pain would go away. And in the morning, Dumbledore didn't ask to many questions.

Sirius watched Harry leave with tears in his eyes and a heavy heart in his chest. He didn't understand why he felt this way. He didn't love Harry anymore than a father would their son. Although, no father should fuck their son, it was still true nonetheless. Wasn't it? People would think it disgusting, and wrong, if not for their age difference, then it would be the fact of them being practically family. He made the right decision. Right?

Then why did he feel like he had just made the biggest mistake of his life?

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**Hey guys, I hope you like this. Reviews are always welcome. I will again try to update this every weekend. I hope I can keep people reading.**

**love,**

**Kitkat**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here it is guys. I worked long and hard on it, so I hope you like it.**

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Harry felt numb. The morning after _that_, he had fire called Dumbledore, asking if he could come back to Hogwarts, claiming he wanted to get ready for classes before everyone got there. He had been able to smile at him, if only for a minute, when he said that he could.

He hadn't seen Sirius before he left.

He hadn't known how to feel about the, should he relieved that he wouldn't have to face the man who rejected him, or if he should feel hurt Sirius didn't want to even make the effort? But, nevertheless, he gotten his things ready, left Sirius a letter on the kitchen table, and flooed to the school.

So now, here he sat, on his bed in the 6th year dorm, waiting for the others to get here. He didn't want to face them, but he really had missed Ron and Hermione. He hoped he would be able to smile at them, he hadn't accomplished too many of them since he got here.

Just then, the dorm room door burst open, his friends running in. He looked as Neville, Seamus, Dean, and a few others came in, Ron was the last to come in, Hermione was with him.

"Harry!" Hermione shouted as she practically ran towards his bed. He pasted a smile on his face, and caught her as she jumped into his arms, hers around his neck.

"Oh, I missed you. How have you been? How is Sirius? Did you enjoy your summer?"

She had to stop for breath, but before she could continue with her questions, Ron laid a hand on her shoulder, "Hermione, let the boy breath. I haven't even got my hug yet." He chuckled slightly at that.

She huffed, but let go nonetheless. Ron stepped forward, giving Harry a man hug, "I missed you too, mate. Not having you at the Burrow the last two weeks, the place felt empty."

"Yeah, I missed you guys too." God, was that his voice? It sounded like it hadn't been used in months, when it was actually just this week.

He cleared his throat, "Let's go eat."

Mention food, and Ron is immediately on your side, "Yeah, I'm starving."

"When aren't you, Ron?"

"Hey, I'm a growing boy, I need food." It was always the same thing with Ron and food.

"Yeah right. You don't need to grow anymore."

Harry just walked behind them, tuning out their argument. He wasn't really in the mood to eat, but he guessed Hermione would shove it down his throat if he didn't on his own.

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Harry sat in the Astronomy Tower, looking out at the sky. He didn't know why, but this place had always brought him comfort, looking at the stars, or the clouds, thinking about everything at once and nothing at all. He sometimes would bring a book with him, though he hadn't recently.

He had long since cried out his tears, but he came up here anyway. He didn't know what to do anymore. He knew he should just move on, but he didn't think he could. His heart would always belong to Sirius, no matter how much pain it had to go through because of it. He wondered briefly if heart break could give you a heart attack, but it was just a fleeting thought. He didn't care if it did. What was the point anyways? His friends might miss him if he died, but no one else would. They didn't need him to be the Boy Who Lived anymore, so what really was the point?

He looked down, out the window, and contemplated, if only for a moment, and not for the first time, jumping. But like the other times, he stopped himself, saying he wouldn't want his friends to have to see that, let alone hear about it all the time.

He was so wrapped in his thoughts, that he didn't hear the Astronomy Tower door open behind him.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? The Golden Boy Gryffindor, out after curfew? I am appalled at your behavior, Potter."

Harry didn't turn; he didn't even acknowledge Draco had spoken to him. He didn't much care anymore. He just leaned his head back against the side of the window ledge he sat on, letting it loll to the side to look at the pompous brat that was Draco Malfoy.

"What, have you lost your voice, Potter? Do you want me to take house points?"

At that Harry had to snort, "I don't care, Malfoy. Can't you see that? All you are doing is being a childish little ferret acting this way, and I am sick of acting the same. I give up."

Draco didn't like the sound of Potter's voice. It sounded so….lifeless. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed the old Potter, the one who have said something back.

"Alright, I'll be nice. What's bothering you now?"

"You don't care. And besides why the hell would I tell you anything?" Harry looked into Draco's eyes as he said this.

Draco was surprised at the pang he felt in his chest. He didn't want to see Harry like this anymore, and he would do what he had to too get the old one back.

He sat down on the opposite end of the ledge, "Harry, I know I haven't exactly been the best person to talk to, but I promise you, I just want to help."

Did Draco's personality really just do a complete 360 from what it used to be?

He thought for a minute. He realized it might help. Maybe getting this off his chest to someone who he didn't have to see pity him every day would help. He would rather be ridiculed than pitied.

Harry looked at him for a minute, "Please don't tell anyone."

"I won't." He meant it.

Harry told him everything. Who it was with, what happened, and the horrid feeling he had now. He was right; it had felt good to talk about it.

Draco, on the other hand, had a problem. He wanted to go out and murder Sirius Black for hurting Harry the way he had. Rejection of any kind hurt like hell, but rejection of your love, hurt the worst.

He shocked Harry by pulling him into his arms, "I know it hurts Harry, but Sirius will come to his senses soon. If he doesn't, he is an idiot."

"No. You didn't hear his voice."

He started to run his fingers through Harry's hair, "Harry, I know what it's like to love someone, who doesn't return the feelings. But I also believe in soul mates. If you and Sirius are meant for each other, than it will happen."

"Who do you love, Draco?"

"Blaise. It took him a year before he realized he loved me too. And in that year, I had to watch him go through women and men, trying to find what he had found that one time with me. An entire year I waited, and if you love Sirius as much as you say you do, you will wait for him too."

Harry lay in bed, thinking over what Draco had said. He had gotten over the shock of Draco being the one to comfort him, and now he realized what he had been saying. He loved Sirius with everything he had. He would wait for him to be ready. Now all he had to worry about was how he would deal with Sirius being with other people.

The next few weeks went by relatively quickly. Draco met him in the Astronomy Tower ever night, after his or anyone else's Prefect shifts were over. They talked about everything and nothing, and sometimes, Draco would even hold him again. Harry always liked the feeling of his arms around him, maybe because he liked the affection, but he couldn't help but wish they belonged to another warm body.

His classes were easy enough, and Draco helped him in Potions now, so he finally understood what the hell was going on.

After Draco told him about him and Blaise, Harry started to watch them. The subtle touches that you would so easily miss if you weren't looking, when their eyes met, you could see the love they felt for each other. It had Harry wishing he could have the same thing.

But Draco had an idea. He had talked to Blaise about it, and he had agreed. Now he just had to see if Harry would.

It was a Friday, and Harry was eating what little he could, when the owls came in. Hedwig swooped down and landed in front of him.

She held out her right foot and hooted softly at him. He took the unmarked letter from her, gave her a piece of bacon, and she flew back to the owlery.

He opened the piece of folded paper, having not seen who it was from on the outside. He was only slightly surprised to find it was from Draco.

_Harry,_

_Meet me in the Room of Requirements tonight after dinner._

_Draco_

Interesting.

After dinner, Harry walked to the Room of Requirements, finding the door there when he arrived.

He was shocked to find that Draco wasn't alone though. The room had been set up as with a huge canopy bed in, typically, silver and green, and there were hundreds of candles around the room. And in the room, were Draco and Blaise sitting across from each other at a table that looked kind of out of place.

_'What the hell?'_

"Hey, Harry."

"Hello."

Draco chuckled, "Relax Harry. Everything is fine."

That was easy for him to say. He wasn't the one who didn't know what they had just walked into.

"Can one of you please tell me what's going on?"

Draco walked to him, grabbed his hand, and pulled him to sit next to him on the bed. "Harry, I know this may seem weird for you, and I want you to feel free to say no. You don't have to do this."

"Do what, Draco?" Harry asked, almost dreading the answer.

Blaise sat down on the other side of him, taking his other hand, "We know that you love Sirius, but that doesn't mean you can't have someone else while you wait for him to pull his head out of his arse."

Harry realized where this could be going, but before he could say anything, Draco did it for him.

"Harry we want you to be a third in our relationship. It won't be about being in love, just three friends loving each other."

Harry thought they had to be fucking with him. He guessed Draco was his friend, but he had never talked to Blaise before, how the hell was he considered his friend?

And plus, could he really sleep with them without thinking he was cheating on Sirius? He thought that maybe the only way to know was to experience it firsthand.

He nodded slowly, hesitantly. Draco smiled softly at him, and brought his other hand up to run his fingers through Harry's hair. Harry let his eyes fall closed at the soothing motion.

He felt another hand rest on his knee, trail slowly up his thigh, thankfully not going to far up, before moving back down to his knee.

"Let us take care of you tonight, Harry. After tonight, if you never want to do this again, we don't have to."

Harry didn't answer. He decided that tonight, he would leave his mind at the door, and just feel. He needed a break, and this might just be the answer.

Two sets of lips were on him then, one on his neck, another on his own. A tongue gently caressed his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth to the organ. He moaned as another tongue, Draco's, licked at a spot behind his ear. He felt him hum slightly against his skin, causing a shudder to run up his spin.

Fuck, this felt good. He could feel his cock stirring in his trousers, quickly getting hard.

Hands were gently pulling off his glasses, and then his shirt was being unbuttoned, his pants following. He lifted his hips up for them to slid his pants completely off, along with his briefs.

He opened his eyes when they got all of his clothes removed, he gasped finding that they had stripped as well.

"Like what you see?" Draco asked with a slight smirk on his lips.

Harry blushed at being caught staring, but nodded nevertheless.

Draco chuckled now, before getting serious, "Harry, was he your first?" Draco had his suspicions that he was, but it was better to get the facts first.

Harry nodded again. Sirius didn't know he was Harry's first, if he had, he probably wouldn't have done it at all.

Draco placed his fingers under Harry's chin, looking into his eyes. "We don't have to penetrate you Harry. We can do other things."

"No. I won't know if I can handle this if we don't go the entire way. Although, I hope you're prepared for a possible breakdown afterward." Harry smiled slightly at Draco, though he was dead serious.

"We'll be here." Blaise stepped forward, got onto the bed behind Harry, pulling him between his legs.

There was no foreplay from there. This was just to see if Harry would want to continue this afterwards. Blaise held Harry's legs to his chest, holding him open so Draco had easier access. He lubed up a few fingers, stretching him for something much bigger. He slid more lubrication onto his cock, and pushed against Harry opening, moving back and forth in shallow thrusts until he was full seated inside Harry's tight body. When he got the affirmation from Harry that he could move, he pulled out and pushed in, out and in, again and again. He angled his thrusts slightly, hitting Harry's prostate dead on. Blaise stroked his cock in time with Draco's thrusts, his own cock hard as a rock from watching Draco fuck the boy between them.

Blaise tipped Harry's head to the side, kissing his lips. Harry moaned into his mouth when he came, squeezing Draco's cock in his tight passage, causing Draco to come deep inside of him.

Blaise was so hard and ready to shoot his load, that all he did was stroke his a few times, and he came moaning both their names.

Harry had indeed broken down after, but it wasn't so bad with the two of them assuring him he hadn't done anything wrong, the he hadn't cheated on Sirius; he was just having some fun while he waited for Sirius to get his shit together. He had soon fallen into a much needed sleep, sandwiched between his lovers.

The next morning he woke up, more rested than he had since he came back to school. His friends might wonder where he was, but he would just say he fell asleep in the tower. Draco and Blaise were still asleep, and he didn't want to wake them, so he shimmied down to the bottom of the bed, getting up. He got dressed while thinking he wanted to write them a note before he left.

_Thank you. You have no idea how much you have helped me. I would love to continue this if you still want to._

_Yours truly, _

_Harry_

He walked out of the room feeling less alone than he had in a while. He would always have Ron and Hermione, but they weren't the type of friends he needed sometimes. Now if anything happened, or if he just needed to feel loved, he knew he had Draco and Blaise to come to.

Sirius felt strangely empty. He had since he had read the letter Harry had left. All it had said was that he was sorry he had ruined what they had by complicating things, and maybe it shouldn't have happened, but it did, and he didn't regret it.

He had added at the end of the letter, that he loved him. It had ate at Sirius' heart ever since.

He had slept with 5 people in the last three weeks, trying to wipe the memory of Harry from his mind, trying to fill the emptiness. It had yet work, though.

He had just finished with his 6th person, feeling even more hollow than before. He walked in the door at Grimauld Place, and walked up the stairs to his room. He refused to give into the urge to go to Harry's room and see if his scent still lingered on the sheets. His had lost the smell of him after a week, even if he was in his animagus form.

He stripped down to his boxers, and lay in bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating what to do. He missed Harry greatly, and he was wondering how he could get him back into his life, get Harry over his little crush on him.

He fell asleep that night, with no more answers than he ever had. He dreamt of Harry again like he had ever night since he left, dreamt of his body arched in pleasure as Sirius pounded into his tight heat. Although, there were some of him just holding Harry close to him, whispering that he loved him too, or where Harry's belly was big with child. He would wake up in the morning, just like every other morning, disgusted with the longing for what was in the dreams he felt.

But if it was so disgusting, why did he want it so damn much?


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I know I said that my stories would be on Hiatus, but I found a way to update them. Thanks to notepad, Microsoft can now go fuck itself for causing myself and my readers pain. But, with that being said, I ask that you excuse some of my mistakes. I will try to catch most of them when I proofread, but if I miss something, I am sorry, but the notepad does have its drawbacks. So here is the third chapter, and I hope you all like it. It took me forever to write. I swear I wil have carpol tunnel (I think that is how its spelled...hehe.)**

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He was in shock. That was really all he could call it. He couldn't think straight, couldn't answer someone when they asked him something. He had gotten the news, and he had gone practically comatose. He could kind of hear voices, but he couldn't make out what they were saying, but he did think he was transported to the hospital wing.

They had told him what they thought was good news. They were only trying to help, he told himself. Oh, but they weren't helping. He hadn't told them what happened, they didn't know.

He had been back at school for almost 2 months now. Ron and Hermione had noticed he was still upset about something, but when they asked him, he would just smile and say that he was fine, but there was an underlying sadness there, one they coudn't explain. He would sneak off occasionally without so much as a goodbye. He had been going to see Blaise and Draco of course, but he couldn't tell them that. They were worried about him, figuring that maybe he missed Sirius.

Oh, how wrong they were.

Of course he missed Sirius, but he didn't want to see him, not when he couldn't have him the way he wanted. It would just hurt him in the end. Blaise and Draco had helped a lot, showing him the affection he desperately craved, and afterwards, they would hold him, and tell him that everything would work out in the end. He told them one day that they deserved time alone, and he felt like he was intruding. They had promptly held him down and taken turns fucking him sensless, then told him they had enough time alone. That they loved their time with him and wouldn't change it for the world.

But that wasn't the issue. Harry's issue now was that Ron and Hermione had just told him that they had asked Dumbledore, and with his permission, they had asked Sirius to come for a visit, and he had, for some ungodly reason, agreed to come. Hogsmeade weekend was coming up after all. The perfect time for some alone time for the two. Harry hadn't heard much else after that, and when his friends saw the look on his face, they had called for the headmaster, and had him rushed to the infirmary.

Harry didn't know how long he had been this way, minutes, hours, days, he wasn't sure. All he was sure of was that the only thought going through his head was that Sirius was coming here, and he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to handle it.

When Draco heard about Harry being in the hospital wing, he had immediatly thought the worst. He had rushed to find Blaise, told him what he heard, and they had gone to visit him. They found his friends there with him, but they knew that they would have to leave tonight, and vowed to come back later that night, when Poppy was asleep.

At around 10, they snuck back in, finding the bed Harry was in, and saw what had happened. He had a blank look on his face, lying on his back staring at the ceiling without actually seeing it. They got onto the bed quickly, one on either side of him, and started to stroke his arms, chest, face, and any other part they could reach. They whispered softly that he would be okay, that they were there, and wouldn't leave him.

Not to long after they started, Harry blinked his eyes, and they focused on the two bodies next to him. It was strange how his friends couldn't wake him, but his lovers could. Hmmm...

"Hey," he whispered softly.

They both let out sighs of relief and wrapped themselves around his body. He put his arms around his lovers, his best friends, and held them close.

"Ron and Hermione invited Sirius to come here this weekend." His voice was a choked whisper as finally he started to cry. Harsh sobs tore from his throat, and his chest ached with the prospect of seeing him again after everything that had happened. He supposed it could be worse, but this still hurt like hell.

Draco and Blaise gaped in shock for a minute, before gathering themselves and holding Harry as he cried out his frustration, fear and pain. Draco could empathize with him, he had gone through almost the exact same thing with Blaise, so he held Harry's head to his chest, murmuring words of encouragment, support, and dare he say love, in his ear. It was a good thing they had thought to put silencing charms on the cutains around the bed.

Soon the sobs died down into sniffles, and the tears stopped. He looked up into Draco's eyes, seeing understanding there, and smile sadly at him.

"Thank you," he looked over at Blaise, who had steadily rubbed his back as the tears had fallen. "Both of you. For being there for me. No one else could be there the way you are."

"We're your friends, your lovers, Harry. We care about you. We will always be here." Blaise whispered to him.

Harry nodded slightly, "What am I going to do? I don't know if I am strong enough to handle this."

Draco grabbed his chin, forcing him to look into his eyes, "Don't you ever say that. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have dealt with so much, and none of it has broken you. Don't let this be the thing to do it."

"So what do I do when he gets here?"

Draco smirked at him, "Why you bring out your inner snake, love."

They had stayed late into the night, telling Harry just how to bring out his 'inner snake' as they called it. The next morning, Poppy came in, saw Harry awake and alright. She did a few tests on him, checking his vitals and the like, before telling him he could go, but not without making him promise that at any signs of another episode like the last one, to come straight to the hospital. She really did love that boy like he was her own son.

Harry made his way to Gryffindor common room, passing a couple of first year Hufflepuffs who waved at him and said they were glad he was okay. People were already up and about when he got into the common room, but everyone stopped when they saw him. It got so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"Harry!" Twin cries were heard as he was bombarded by the arms of his two longest friends.

"We were so worried about you. We were just telling you about Sirius and then you froze. Your eyes glossed over and we couldn't get a response out of you. It was horrible. Don't you ever do that again." Hermione, still wrapped around his neck, had to stop for a breath.

"I'm fine guys. I'm sorry for scaring you, I don't know what happened really. But I'm fine now." He put his hands on Hermione's waist and pulled her away from him.

"You sure, mate? 'Cause I don't want another episode later on today. You right bloody freaked me out the first time." Ron wasn't much of a hugging person, but he must have been pretty badly shaken, because he pulled Harry into a hug that lasted longer than 3 seconds and didn't involve claps on the back.

Harry squeezed his friend tightly for a moment, "Yeah Ron, I'm fine. I guess I just didn't expect to be able to see him so soon, is all."

"Well, believe it mate. He will be here Friday after classes end. Then you can spend the next two days with each other."

Harry wasn't going to let that happen. He was going to spend as much time away from Sirius as he could without it being to noticable. But he didn't tell them that.

He put on his best smile, "Can we go eat? I'm starved."

Ron looked at him again, scrutinizing him, "Yeah man, let's go eat."

He had Potions first thing that morning, so he had to hurry through breakfast, so he wouldn't be late. He got to class right as the bell rang. Unfortunately, Snape was in a bad mood this morning.

"How kind of you to join us, Mr. Potter. Did you feel gracious enough to grace with your presence?" Snape really didn't look very good with a sneer on his face.

Well, he figured he might as well get some practice in on letting out that snake...wherever it was, "Yes, I just couldn't wait to see you again." he said, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

"10 points from Gryffindor for disrespect. Take your seat."

He walked to his desk, passing Draco and Blaise, who gave him small smiles, eyes shining with mirth. He sat and began the potion they were working on, which just so happened to be the pepper-up potion. Lovely.

The rest of class went by quickly, and though Harry actually understood what he was doing, it was still confusing at times.

By the time it was over, Snape had still found a way to ridicule him at every turn, but now Harry said a few things back. Fuck being respectful to the git. Not even Snape could find anything to wrong with his potion, however. Take that, arsehole.

The rest of the day flew by, nothing to interesting happening. Harry was wishing it could go by slower though. There was only another day until Sirius would be here. He was scared to death, but also fighting the knowledge that seeing him again would bring back that pain he didn't want to remember.

All to soon, the end of Friday classes were over, and he was called into the headmaster's office.

The gargoyle moved at the word 'chocolate frogs' a tad original but whatever. He walked up the stairs, and entered the office. He saw Dumbledore sitting behind his desk, Fawkes perched on his stand, and, who else, Sirius waiting for him.

They both looked up at his entrance, Dumbledore smiling at him joyously, and Sirius hopefully. Harry smiled at them both, pulling out the big guns early. But on the inside he felt like his heart was being shredded into little bits. Sirius was even more beautiful than his memory led him to believe. His hair had grown about an inch and a half longer, his eyes seemed to shine brighter, and his smile seemed happier. He didn't know if it was because he was here, or because he had someone else, but either way, he knew it wasn't good. He didn't want him happier to see him because it would still be as godfather/godson relationship. And he sure as hell didn't want him to be with someone else.

"Hi Sirius." He said it the best he could, and he still didn't think it was good enough. He walked slower than normal to him, and hugged him when he stood up. Fuck, he had missed these arms around him. All to quickly, he let go, and Harry took a step back. He looked over at Dumbledore, and saw the old man had a peculiar look in his eye, almost knowing, like he knew what was happening, but didn't say anything.

"Harry, Sirius will be staying in a room right outside the 6th year dorm in the Gryffindor tower, so you two aren't to far from each other."

Harry nodded and smiled, not trusting himself enough to speak. He mumbled goodnight to Dumbledore, and walked out of the office, Sirius behind him.

They didn't speak as they made their way to the Great Hall. It was about time for dinner, and even though Harry had lost his appetite, Sirius was hungry he knew. And Ron and Hermione would probably want to say hi.

They walked in just as his friends were sitting down. He looked over at the Slytherin table, immediatly locking eyes with Draco, then Blaise, nodding at them. They could see what Harry was really going through, and wished they could help. They wanted to help, but they couldn't. Not until later.

Harry sat with Sirius, in between Ron and Hermione. He tuned out their conversation and ate a few bites of his food. He mostly just pushed it around his plate.

After dinner, he went up to Gryffindor tower, his friends and Sirius following. He didn't talk, just said goodnight, and walked into the dorm. He hoped they would leave him alone tonight. He was tired and he felt drained. He lay down on his bed, and fell into a fitful sleep quickly.

Like Sirius, Harry had dreams too. Only most of his were nightmares. Nightmares of Sirius telling him he would never love him, that nobody ever would. Draco and Blaise leaving him, because they realized he wasn't good enough. He would wake up in a cold sweat crying after those. But there were some, that he wished were reality. He didn't know if these ones hurt worse than the nightmares. He and Sirius would be snuggled in bed together, and Sirius would tell him he loved him and then make love to him, like he did their first time. Or it would be their wedding day, he would be crying and Sirius smiling that smile, that one that was only his. Sadly, tonight it was a good one. Something he wasn't sure he would ever have.

The next day, Harry made sure to stay in bed well past lunch, claiming he was really tired when Ron asked him if he wanted to come and eat. By the time he got out of bed, mot of the people had already gone to Hogsmeade. He dressed in simple jeans and a t-shirt, and made his way down to the common room.

Sirius was there, reading a book. When he heard Harry come down, he looked up and smiled at him. He recieved a small one back, but Harry stayed where he was. They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, before Sirius broke the silence.

"What would you like to do kiddo?"

Harry didn't answer right away, because he couldn't believe that Sirius was really going to act as if nothing happened. That hurt. Really bad.

"I am going to go to the kitchen and see if I can get something to eat."

Sirius put down his book and stood up, "I'll come with you."

Harry wanted to tell him not to bother, but he couldn't bring himself to be a dick to the man he loved. No matter how much pain it caused him.

They walked in silence to the kitchen, neither one knowing what to say to the other. Harry met Dobby in the kitchen, and he happily got Harry a chicken sandwhich with his favorite, treacle tart. Sirius wasn't hungry, so he just watched Harry closely, and it was incredibly unerving.

Harry told Sirius he wanted to be alone, and left to find the Astronomy tower. He spent a lot of time here, reading, doing homework, with Draco and Blaise, or just there thinking. He wasn't all that surprised to find his lovers there, wrapped around each other, snogging.

Harry chuckled once, before walking over, stroking his hands around Draco's sides, his arms wrapping around his waist. It startled him, but when Harry whispered in his ear to relax, he turned around in his lovers' arms, and wrapped his around Harry's neck.

"How are you?" He whispered.

"Horrible. I'm going to try and spend as little time with him as possible, but its hard when I can't seem to be mean to the man."

"I know what you mean. But everything will be okay soon. He will leave tomorrow, and everything will be alright."

Draco started to run his fingers through Harry's hair. he pulled out of Blaise's arms and motioned for him to sit down. He sat down next to him, and pulled Harry down between them. They stayed there until dinner that night, talking about nothing in particular.

Harry walked into the Great hall, spoting Sirius between Ron and Hermione, a chair next to him open, obviously meant for him. He sighed, sitting down in the seat, and again tuned out everything around him. All he could think about was how Sirius was sitting right next to him, and he couldn't touch him, hold his hand, tell him he loved him. It fucking hurt, but he couldn't do much about it. He knew he had done all he could. The ball was in Sirius' court now, it was his decision. He didn't know what would hurt more though, watching Sirius walk away forever, or having to see him with other people while he kept him in his life. Harry sighed again. His head hurt, his chest ached, and he felt exhausted, more emotionally than anything. He had told Draco he didn't think he was stong enough to deal with this. This might just be the thing that broke him.

The next day, after spending all day hiding from everyone, namely Sirius, he found himself in the Astronomy tower, alone this time. it was just after lunch, and he wanted to be by himself.

Unfortunately, he had never had very good luck.

"I haven't seen much of you this weekend."

Harry didn't turn around, couldn't look at Sirius and lie to his face. "I was really tired, and I did have homework."

They were silent for a few minutes.

"Don't lie to me, please."

Harry sighed quietly, "What do you want me to say, Sirius?"

"I want you to tell me the truth."

Harry whirled around to face him, "Fine. You want the truth? The truth is that this is killing me. The truth is that I hate that I can't have you all to myself. The truth is that I didn't want you here, though having you completely out of my life might just hurt even more. I love you, Sirius. Is that what you wanted to hear?" When he was finished, he was close to tears, blinking hard, trying to keep them back.

"I just want my godson back, Harry." Sirius whispered.

"You can't expect me to just go back to being your family again, Sirius. I can't be your godson anymore, not after that night. I know you think that I will fall out of love with you, but you're wrong. I know how I feel, you are the one that doesn't."

"I know how I feel. I love you, Harry, just not as anymore than family. You will realize soon that you were wrong about how you love me."

Harry chuckled bitterly, "You will never see the truth when you hide behind that excuse, Sirius. But just know this. You can hide all you want, but you know as well as I do, that eventually it will catch up to you. You'll realize that your excuses weren't as good as you thought them to be, that the truth is a better outcome than the lie. And I'll wait until that day, Sirius. When it comes, I'll still love you with everything in me. More than anyone else every could."

With that, Harry left the tower, leaving a shocked Sirius behind. Later, he would cry over what had been said. Later, he would yearn for the strong, warm arms of his two lovers, the only arms he could have wrapped around him. They would come to him, and he would let them comfort him in the best way they could.

But right now, he kept himself in check. It seemed that everything had to wait until later.

Sirius had yet to leave the Astronomy tower. After Harry had left, he sat on the window ledge, thinking about what he had said. What Harry had told him, didn't really make any sense. He knew that he loved Harry like his own son, nothing more, nothing less. How would he see past excuses that were the truth?

Though, something in the back of his mind told him Harry was right. On what part, he didn't know, but he could admit he was scared to figure it out.

He had finally given in to the temptation to go into Harry's room at Grimauld Place. He had laid down on the bed, and wrapped himself around one of Harry's pillows, falling asleep with his nose burrowed in the soft cotton. When he woke up, he was disgusted with himself, a feeling he now knew quite well, and had left the room. He hadn't returned since.

But, why had the sleep he had gotten in that room, been the best sleep he had gotten...ever?

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**Well, that's it. i hope you all liked this chapter, and I will try to update New Start this weekend. As always review, and tell me your opinion.**

**As a side note, the next chapter will have about a 2 year time jump. To the end of his 7th year. The story doesn't involve his 7th year to much.**

**xoxo,**

**Kitkat**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! This story is going to be a lot shorter than I thought. **

**This takes place precisely 23 months after the part the last chapter ended.**

**I had to cut this one in half. Build the suepense, you know? Although it will probably be put up a little bit later tonight.**

**So, enough of my inane babble...On with the story...**

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Harry walked quickly down the corridor of his home, trying to get to the fireplace in the study. He had to get to the Leaky Cauldron; he was suppose to meet Draco and Blaise there in about 5 minutes. He hoped they were the only ones he ran into.

It had been about 4 months since his graduation from Hogwarts and he hadn't been able to see them due to their vacation in Australia. It came to no surprise when Draco had said he had a manor there.

They had asked Harry along, but he had politely declined because they deserved their time alone. He felt like he was intruding on their relationship, no matter how many times they had told him otherwise; just because he couldn't have the one he wanted, didn't mean he could come between another couple.

He stepped into the rinky-dink establishment rather gracefully, all things considered. He spotted his lovers in a darkened corner and made his way towards them.

He slid into the seat across from them, "How was your vacation?"

They had been looking at each other, completely enraptured by the other, that they hadn't even heard Harry sit down. Draco smiled at his enemy-turned-lover and reached out to take his hand lying carelessly on the table.

"It was lovely. But it would have been better had you come with us."

He squeezed Draco's hand, "You two deserved some quality time together, and I am sure you managed fine without me."

He smirked as a light blush colored the blonde's face. He knew that they had enjoyed themselves, the letters that had been exchanged over the last months said that much; but he loved taking every opportunity he could to try to make the usual calm and collected Slytherin blush prettily.

Oh Gods, he really had to stop letting his 'inner snake' out. The damn thing had a mind of its own sometimes.

The subject changed to what Harry had been doing the last few months, seeing as how he hadn't told them very much in the letters.

That was because he hadn't done much of anything. He had talked to Dumbledore about getting the position of DADA professor next year, had fixed up one of the manors his parents had left him; a beautiful place, relatively small but quiet and cosy; perfect for him to live alone in. It had 3 bedrooms, each with their own washrooms; he had turned both of the bedrooms into guest rooms, and had been sleeping in the master bedroom. The house had a study, with books, so many books; he loved the study the most. The basement was a soundproof training room, equipped with everything for physical and magical training. The kitchen was huge and he had discovered that baking helped keep him relaxed, a sense of peace always wrapped around him like a warm blanket when he made something in the kitchen. The dinning room wasn't to special, though it could seat about 20 people comfortably.

He described the house in detail to Blaise and Draco, a small smile on his face as he pictured his home. He loved it and wouldn't want to live anywhere else; except Hogwarts if he gets the job.

They had decided to just eat here, not wanting to go out into the fall weather yet. After they had finished their meals, nothing to heavy; none of them were to hungry. The left the Leaky Cauldron, Draco and Blaise going to the robe shop, and Harry heading to Fred and George's shop. They would meet up outside in a little while. Besides, he wanted to see how they were holding up.

Unfortunately, luck just so happened to not be with him today, seeing as half way to the shop, he passed my an alley and saw something that made his heart stop beating for about 3 seconds before speading up to an almost abnormal rate.

Sirius Black pinning another man to the wall, kissing him softly, lovingly; the way Harry wanted Sirius to kiss him. He didn't know the other man, from this vantage point at least; but he looked relatively handsome, with jet black hair to his chin and a lithe, firm looking body. Harry's chest hurt as his heart cried out for mercy from this torment it was being put through.

Harry turned away from the sight, intent on going into his friend's shop before Sirius noticed him; he had almost succeeded, but again, he never had been very lucky.

"Harry?"

Harry flinched slightly at the sound of Sirius' voice saying his name. He hadn't talked to his godfather since he had visited him in Hogwarts almost two years ago. He still rememebered the last thing Sirius had said to him.

_'You will realize soon that you were wrong about how you love me.'_

He still loved Sirius with everything he was and it had been along time since he had discovered he was in love with his godfather.

He turned slowly around to face the man he loved, and most likely his new lover.

He smiled slightly at the pair, but deep down, he wanted to pull Sirius to him and tell him that he should be with him; not this other man that...looked a lot like him?

Harry looked a little closer at the man that was currently inspecting him as well. When their eyes met, Harry barely refrained from gasping aloud; he had green eyes! They weren't like emeralds necessarily, but they were beautiful in their own light. But his hair was messy, and it wasn't because of a snogging session recently; there was a difference between that and the look of just naturally messy hair. He had slightly thin lips, a strong jaw; there were a few other noticable differences, but they could also be easily over looked.

Could Sirius possibly be subconsiously trying to have someone that looked like an older version of himself?

No, Harry shook that thought from his head, that wasn't right; it couldn't be.

"Hello Sirius."

Sirius smiled lightly at him, "Aren't you going to give me a hug? It has been quite some time since we last saw each other, I'd wager."

Harry stepped forward slowly, wrapping his arms loosely around Sirius' waist as the older man wrapped his own around Harry's shoulders, squeezing tightly for a minute.

He let go, and Harry quickly stepped back, the scent of Sirius still lingering in his nostrals. He smelt of cherries and cream, one of Harry's favorite desserts, and a musk that was just Sirius. It was perfect; and heartbreaking. Because it could never be his.

"How have you been?" Sirius asked after a minute standing in awkward silence.

"I've been good, working on one of my paren- my properties. I might take the job as the DADA teacher, though it had already been filled this year."

"That's great, Harry. I think that will be a perfect job for you."

Harry nodded his thanks at the compliment, "How are you?" He really didn't know how long he could keep this up without breaking down and begging Sirius right here, in front of everyone, to love him.

Sirius smiled softly, reaching out to take his lovers hand; completely oblivious to Harry's heart convulsing in his chest. Didn't Sirius realize he was killing him?

"Harry, this is John. We've been together about a year now. And we're engaged."

Nothing prepared Harry for the pain that one statement brought. For a minute, he thought he was dying, that maybe Merlin decided to be merciful and kill him with a heart attack. But he realized after his left side didn't go numb that his heart had just split in two with those three little words.

He looked down at the ground, away from the happy couple before him; trying desperately to keep it in until he was away from the older men.

"Congratulations." He barely managed to choke that out without breaking down; he hoped he could make a quick escape.

"I wanted to ask you something, Harry."

Gods, could his day get any fucking worse?

He made sure he had a blank look on his face before looking up inot Sirius' eyes, "What's that?"

His godfather stepped away from John, coming froward to grab Harry's hand. Harry felt tingles spread through him where their skin was touching, but Sirius didn't appear to feel it.

"I want you to be my best man, Harry. You have no idea how much it would mean to me if you were there standing behind me, giving me your blessing."

Apparently he had been wrong. His day could get worse.

His immediate reaction was to say he had other plans; that he couldn't make it. But he made the mistake of looking into Sirius' eyes, those ocean blue eyes that you could drown in if you weren't careful.

The hope shining in those orbs made Harry think before he opened his mouth. One the one hand, if he went with his original thought, he would probably save himself some serious heartache. Because it would hurt; watching the love of his life marry another man while he stood back, expected to give his blessing to the happy couple; his heart being mercilessly shredded in the process.

But on the other hand, what kind of person would he be if he didn't do it? It was entirely to selfish of him to deny Sirius something that would make him happy. Besides, wasn't there a saying, 'If you love something, you let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with?' He loved Sirius with all his heart, with his entire being, to the very core of his soul he loved this man; then who was he to say no? It was obvious, no matter how painful the thought may be, that Sirius had never belonged to him. He had never come back to him after that night they had spent together; so shouldn't he move on as well?

Sometime he wondered if Sirius ever thought about what had happened that night, and how he could act as if it had never happened. Maybe he really was a Black.

Harry steeled himself for the pain to come, took a deep breath and smiled up at his godfather, "Yes Sirius. I would be honored."

Sirius smiled at him, but there was a glint in his eye; as if he had hoped for a different reaction. It was gone as quick as it had come so Harry didn't have time to figure it out.

"Thank you, Harry. So much."

Sirius hugged him again, holding tightly, but hanging on longer than the last time. For Harry, this was goodbye. Because after the wedding, he was going to disappear. Only Draco and Blaise would know his whereabouts.

This final hug, before Sirius would be a married man, was his last bit of happiness leaving him. His last bit of hope. He had nothing more left to give. He had given his heart, his soul, his body; and it had all been stomped on in front of him, leaving nothing more than bloody tendrils of what used to be his life source.

Now, he didn't really care what happened to him anymore. He would only stay alive because he knew a few people would miss him. He couldn't hurt them that way; even if it meant suffering the rest of his life. Because he didn't think he would ever recover from this. He wondered who in this world was strong enough to handle this and bounce back. He obviously wasn't one of those people.

Unbeknownst to them, John stood watching his fiance hug his godson. He knew what was going on here, and he felt immensely guilty. Here this boy was, Harry, in love with his godfather; and his godfather loved hime the same way. He just didn't want to see it. He couldn't let this wedding happen. Maybe he could even try to push Sirius in the right direction. Because he might love Sirius, but these two were soulmates; Sirius just had to realize it first.

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**Well, there it is. There will be about 2 more chapters, than if people want it, I will make an epilogue.**

**I hope you all liked it. Please review. XD**

**xoxo,**

**Kitkat**


	5. Chapter 5

Harry numbly made his way to the robe shop, not feeling any pain, he was blissfully numb; the only good thing about this day.

He saw Draco and Blaise wrapped in each other's arms outside the shop, talking quietly. He stepped next to them, not wanting to interrupt whatever they were talking about, and waited.

It didn't take very long for Blaise to notice Harry standing there, seeing as how he was facing that direction. He immediately knew something was wrong, judging by the dead look in Harry's eyes, his paler than usual complextion, and his slumped shoulders.

He pulled away from Draco's warmth, and pulled Harry between them; not missing his cold body temperature. It might be a little chilly out, but not anything that would warrent this temperature.

"Please, love, tell us what's wrong."

In a monotone voice Harry replied, "I saw Sirius kissing another man. He caught me before I could sneak away and told me about his and John's engagment. Then he asked me to be his best man. I love him to much to make him unhappy, so I said yes."

Draco and Blaise exchanged a pain filled look between them, for once, neither of them understanding how that felt. Draco usually did, but that was more than he had ever had to deal with. He knew this would be what broke the great Harry Potter; the boy who had went from his 5 year long enemy, to his and Blaise's lover. He loved Harry, not as much as he did Blaise, but enough to care so much about him that he constantly worried about him.

Nothing more was said between the trio, they simple made their way back to the Leaky Cauldron, flooed to Harry's home; and climbed in his bed, one on either side of smaller boy. Oblivious to everything else, they slept restlessly, both his lovers unconsiously sharing his pain. There was nothing else they could do.

"I'm sorry Sirius, but I can't do this." John knew this would hurt Sirius, but he had seen the look in Harry's eyes when the boy had walked away; even before, when he had found out about the engagement. It wouldn't be nearly a fraction of what he was going through.

"What do you mean, John? You can't do what?" They were currently laying on Sirius' bed, the same one Sirius had unknowingly taken Harry's virginity.

John sat up on the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees, lowering his head into his hands, "I can't marry you."

Sirius froze at the sentence, "Why not?" He barely whispered the question, not wanting to make it real if it was just a dream.

"I can't hurt that boy this way. Have you any idea how much he loves you?"

Sirius stared, open mouthed and wide eyed at his lover, "You think he loves me?" Sirius prayed that the disgusting twinge of hope was kept from his voice.

John looked back at him, "He is in love with you, and from the look on his face, he has for quite some time. Why don't you see that?"

"He will get over it. He doesn't really love me." He was sure he sounded like he was trying to convince John as much as he was trying to convince himself.

John stared at Sirius for long moments before replying, "You really have no idea, do you?" He whispered, almost as if he couldn't believe what Sirius had just said.

Sirius scowled, "I know he doesn't. He just fancy's himself in love with me. It is still no reason to break up with me. _Two weeks before our wedding!"_

John shook his head. There would be no getting through to this man, "I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm sorry that you can't see what is right in front of you, and probably has been for quite a while. I'm sorry that young man is getting hurt because you refuse to believe the truth. But most of all, I'm sorry you will forever be unhappy because you won't be with him. No one will complete you the way he will. When you touch him, does it feel like a shock is going through your body? That means only one thing. Souldmates, Sirius. You and Harry belong together. I just hope you see that soon, before it is too late to get him back."

With that, he kissed Sirius' forehead, pulled his ring off, resting it in his ex-lovers open palm; closing his figers over it. He stood up, took one last look at Sirius, before walking from the room, not looking back. He had done the right thing. This just meant that there was someone else out there for him. He just had to wait and find out.

It had been two weeks, and there was only two more weeks until the wedding. Harry had yet to look anything other than the living dead. He slept, ate, breathed; but he wasn't alive. His heart was gone, with a man that didn't even want it. He had nothing to keep him alive anymore.

He supposed he was being melodramatic, but he couldn't help it. Nothing could bring him out of this. He had tried asking Draco to make love to him, like before, but he couldn't even get it up anymore. He had apologized profusely, but Draco had just shushed him, and pulled him onto his chest with Blaise curled around his back. He hadn't asked for anything from either of them after that, but they had still stayed the last two weeks every night.

He heard the floo roar to life, thinking it to be Draco and Blaise, seeing as they had gone to get some more clothes; they said they had no intention of leaving.

So, imagine his surprise when Sirus walked into the room, looking livid.

"What did you do?" Sirius said in a deadly voice.

The question didn't shock him as much as Sirius' voice had. He sounded murderous, and all of that was directed at him.

"What are you talking about, Sirius? I didn't do anything."

"Don't lie to me, Harry!" Sirius was close to shouting now.

"I'm not I-" He didn't get to finish before he was hauled up by the front of his shirt. He was face to face with the man he loved. This was the first time he had actually been afraid of Sirius.

"Don't lie to me. What did you tell him? Why did he all of a sudden want to cancel the wedding?"

"He canceled the wedding?" Harry was shocked. He hadn't said two words to John. Why would he cancel the wedding; was it because of him?

Sirius laughed bitterly, letting go of Harry's shirt. Harry barely stopped himself from falling by gripping the dining room table, "Like you don't know. You told him that you loved me."

"I did no such thing. I wouldn't ruin your happiness, Sirius. Is that really the type of person you think I am?"

Harry was hurt that Sirius would think that he would do something to purposefully hurt him that way.

"You were jealous. You still think that you love me. But you don't."

Harry had had enough of Sirius telling him Harry didn't love him.

"I do love you! I love you so much that the past two weeks hve been torture for me. I agreed to be your best man because you looked so hopeful that I would, how could I say no? When you love someone, all you want is their happiness. Why do you keep doubting that I-"

Sirius raised his hand, ready to strike Harry. He didn't want to hear how much he was loved, romantically, by his godson. He thought that maybe he had lost his mind, especially when he saw Harry flinch away from him.

Wait, Harry really did flinched away from him. He blinked, looked at the hand in the air, then back at Harry. He saw the terror in those beautiful emerald eyes he loved so much, and he hated himself.

His hand fell limply to his side and he took a step back, "I'm sorry. I'll leave. Please forgive me." Sirius pleaded.

He dashed back to the fireplace, threw the floo powder into it, and arrived home before Harry had come out of his shock enough to stop him.

Harry sat on the dining room floor, rocking himself back and forth as tears streamed down his face; harsh sobs tearing out his mouth. It had been about 15 minutes since Sirius had left, but he had a lot of emotion to make up for. Two weeks to be exact.

So many emotions were flooding through him; guilt, anger, fear, pain, happiness, love. It was all there.

He was happy because Sirius wouldn't be marrying anyone else. He felt guilty because he was happy that Sirius wouldn't be getting married. He was angry at Sirius for blaming him for something that wasn't his fault. He feared what Sirius would have done had he not stopped himself from hitting Harry. He hated fearing the love of his life. Love was always present, it was more pronounced when he thought directly of Sirius.

Everything was swirling around like a giant tornado, tearing things up in its wake. His heart had again gone away with the man who had left in a hurry. Harry had been slightly glad he had left, giving Harry time to cry by himself.

Though now, he had the slight hope again, that Sirius might just love him too. Or that he might at least give Harry a chance to prove just how good they could be together.

Sirius had been home about a 15 minutes when he rememebered something he had thought earlier. He had thought he loved Harry's beautiful emerald eyes.

Did he? Did he love those eyes, or did he love Harry? Was that what he had been told so many times, in his dreams, by Harry, even John noticed it.

If it was so wrong to love your godson in a romantic way, then why did he? And why did he suddenly not care either way?

* * *

**Hey guys! Well this is getting closer to the end of my story. One more chapter. And then, if enough people request it, there will be an epilogue. **

**So, I know this chapter isn't all that good, but it is relatively important to the story. Like I said in the last chapter, this was cut from the other chapter. I had to create it, so the other chapter wouldn't be to long, for one. And second, again, I wanted to build at least a little bit of suspense.**

**As always, Review! Please...**

**xoxo,**

**Kitkat**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Well this is it. The last chapter...I am so happy you guys stuck with me through this story. I loved writing it. **

**There will probably be an epilogue, but I need you guys to tell me what you think...HSould I do one, Should I not? **

**It is up to you.**

**On with the story...**

* * *

Harry was happy for them. He really was, but he could help but feel a wistful sort of bitterness form in his chest when he thought about it. Not because they were going to do it. Just because he couldn't have with the one he loved the most.

Today was the day it happened. The day his best friends finally bound themselves to each other.

Blaise and Draco had been talking about it since they had gotten together in Hogwarts, but when Harry had come along, they had postponed their plans in order to help him through his depression.

They had told Harry they would wait, but Harry didn't miss the way their expressions would turn longing when they saw a couple on the street with bonding rings on. He knew how much they wanted that for themselves, but were to worried about how he would react to think of the idea. He couldn't be the one to stand in the way of their happiness. Not anymore.

It had taken him almost two months to convince them to do it all; but when he did, the smiles on their faces were well worth the pain he would feel of being alone again.

Though he wouldn't be alone, not really. He would still have them, just not as lovers. He could still, if the need arose, sleep in their bed with them, be held by them; they had made him promise that he would come to them when he needed to.

Sometimes, he felt like a baby in need of their parents when he thought about them. Babies tend to need more love and affection then anyone alse. But when he had voiced this to them, they had told him that due to his past with his family not giving him the things he needed to grow and develope properly, he would crave it more than others.

Harry would then look at them funny, shrug, and change the subject. He hadn't brought it up again. He wished that the answer hadn't been such a biased one.

Those were times when he missed Ron and Hermione more than anything. They hadn't talked to him since they had found out he was shagging Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy in the beginning of their 7th year. He had told them that if they couldn't except how he lived then he didn't need them around. They would never realize how much of a lie that was.

Losing them had been like losing a part of him. They had been there through everything. Sure they had had their ups and downs, but their friendship always won out in the end. But, here he was, two years after their discovery, and they still hadn't made any progress to salvage their friendship.

Harry shook his head. Now was not the time to get depressed. He had to get to Draco and Blaise's bonding cerimony.

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

Harry stood next to Severus and Lucius, watching as his ex-lovers said their part of the spell and the bonding rings were placed on their fingers. This wasn't really a wedding, just a bonding ritual, but they still decided to wear ring instead of braclets; that way, if they were to ever journey into the muggle world, they would look anything other than a married couple.

Harry glanced down at the hands intertwined between Severus and Lucius. He had been shocked to hear that they were a...thing but Draco had just said that it had taken his father 10 years to come to his sense and be with the man he loved. Harry had never learned the reasons why he hadn't just said yes to being with Severus, but he figured it wasn't his business.

Severus had changed alot after that. He would smile softly when Lucius would enter a room, or he would laugh at something that he found funny. Harry had even noticed happiness shining brightly out of his obsidian eyes. Severus was a changed man from the snarky, unfeeling bastard he had been all through Harry school years. Don't get me wrong, he was still snarky, but there was no malice in his voice anymore and he stopped caring so much about his true feelings shining through.

Harry felt that all to famialiar depression flood through him, threatening to drown him, to pull him down into the endless depths of numbness. He sometimes wanted to just let go and stop caring whether or not it succeeded in its mission to hide Harry from his emotions, but he would shake that thought from his head and think of Draco and Blaise; the only people who would miss him if he was gone.

But it just seemed that everyone was getting their happiness but him. He wanted some of what they had; the love they felt for each other that was almost palpable when in the room with them. It was like a crushing weight to Harry chest; sometimes the ache was so bad he would have to leave the room.

His entire life had been nothing but pain. The pain of his uncle beating him, the pain of thinking his parents had been nothing but drunks for the first 11 years of his life; the pain of learning everything he had been told was a lie and that he was a wizard, that that was the reason his only family hated him; his first year he had to get that fucking stupid stone; second year he was bitten by a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets; he had met his godfather in 3rd year, had to deal with being in the Tri-Wizard Tournament and being responsible for the death of Cedric Diggory and Voldemort's ressurection; falling in love with his godfather was a mountain of pain all its own, and killing the bastard who hurt his parents. The last three years, he had felt more pain then ever just by not being able to be with the one he loved more than life itself.

When would he finally get to be happy?

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

Later that night, after the cerimony had ended, the after party started. Harry wasn't really in the mood after his inner self pity earlier, but what kind of friend would he be if he didn't attend?

He was shaken from his thoughts when familiar arms snuck around his waist from behind. "What are you thinking about?"

Instead of answering, Harry playfully said, "Are you sure your newly bonded husband would like it that you had your arms around another man?"

Another set of arms wrapped around his front and he met Blaise's eyes, smiling seductively down at him. "Oh, I don't mind. As long as I can join in, that is."

Harry laughed lightly at the playful words. He knew just as well as they did that they would never be able to be with anyone but each other now. But he decided to play along anyway. "Oh really. So we could go find a room right now, then?"

It was Blaise's turn to laugh, "Ah Harry, sometimes you're just to much."

Harry rolled his eyes and extracted himself from their arms. He looked at them both for a moment before taking their newly intwined hands into his own. "I'm happy for you both. I don't think I have ever seen any two people more perfect for each other then you." He smile softly at the two of them as they smiled back.

"Thank you Harry. You don't know how much that means to us."

Harry just smiled again before letting go of their hands and heading over to the bar. He needed another drink if he was expected to stay in this room full of fucking love and happiness any longer.

That isn't to say that he hadn't meant what he said, he was happy for them and they were perfect for each other; he just wished that he could have what they had. He just couldn't seem to move on from a man who didn't want him. Who he hadn't seen for about a year now.

Harry sighed as he sipped his firewhiskey, loving the burn that as the liquid slid down his throat. He really shouldn't hold onto this hope that he could get Sirius anymore. He hadn't seen the man since Sirius had come in angry at him, telling him the wedding was canceled. He hoped his love was alright now; he hadn't been there to comfort him like he should have been.

He chugged back his drink before asking for another. Draco and Blaise hadn't really needed the bar, but he was glad they got it. Because he sure as hell needed this.

Harry was glad he knew how to hold his alcohol because after another two glasses, he should have been feeling pretty damn tipsy. He snorted. It would take him forever to get drunk now. He had suffered a pretty bad drinking problem after that last fight with Sirius.

He sighed again and put down his newly refreshed drink; getting drunk here would solve nothing. It would only give Draco and Blaise more things to worry about him and he really didn't want them stressed about him this early into their new bond.

Just then, someone walked in the doors of the ballroom everyone was in for the party. Harry almost fell out of his chair in shock at who it was.

Standing at his 6 feet tall, dressed like the pureblood he was in his elegant robes; with his hair falling just above his broad shoulders and those ocean blue eyes was Sirius Black.

_What the bloody hell did they do,_ Harry thought. He knew he should be moving to leave unseen, but he couldn't seem to take his eyes off the man he loved more than his own life. Gods, how he missed that man. It had been to long since he had seen him. That short period of time a year ago was not enough it seemed, because now, he felt paralized by the mere presense of him.

Sirius's eyes looked around the room, looking for Malfoy and Zabini so he could say his congradulations and leave. This wasn't his thing, but he figured the boys who had been so good to his lo - godson deserved proper felicitation.

He looked around again and couldn't seem to find them. But he had found someone else. Someone he had been trying to get off his mind for the past year. Someone who wouldn't leave him alone in his thoughts the way he was in reality. Someone who he realized he was in love with. His eyes met Harry across the room and he couldn't look away from those enchanting orbs of emerald green.

Before he really knew what he was doing, he was walking towards the boy - no, man that he loved. He couldn't fight it anymore; he didn't think he wanted to. Not if he could look into those damn eyes every day for the rest of his life.

He stood in front his godson, not caring that were people watching, not caring that they were practically related, and sure as hell not caring if James would mind; all the things that would have mattered a year ago, didn't anymore. Not after seeing the anxious, yet somehow love filled, look on Harry's face.

Sirius said nothing, just grabbed Harry's hand and led him down a hallway. He had no idea where he was going; all he knew was that he had to get Harry alone, had to tell him how he felt. If it wasn't already to late.

He opened a door on his right, discovering it to be, quite obviously, a guest room. Pulling Harry through behind him, and, after the door was firmly shut and a silencing charm surround the room, he pushed the smaller man into the door.

Sirius looked into Harry's eyes, hating the fear that was there. He had put that there and now he would have to find a way to make it go away.

"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered, watching Harry's eyes widen at the words.

"For what?" Harry asked in the same tone.

"For taking so long." Sirius brought his lips down to Harry's. He knew he deserved nothing more than to be pushed away and told to go to hell, but he couldn't help but feel like the luckiest man on earth when, after a minute of coaxing, Harry tentatively wrapped his arms around the older man's neck, kissing him back.

Harry couldn't believe this was happening. The one other time they had done this, he had had to initiate the contact. And now, a little over three years later, Sirius was kissing him. He had moved first. Harry was terrified that this was just cruel joke his dreams decided to play on him again, or maybe it was the alcohol; but at the moment, he couldn't stop. Not when he finally got what he had wanted for so long.

The kiss became passionate and needy when Harry felt Sirius's hard cock against his own. Luckily, they were now about the same height, thanks to his growth spurt in 7th year.

Harry felt himself being lifted into strong arms before being laid down on the bed, the kiss never once being broken. He felt the warm weight of Sirius on top of him and moaned softly, loving it more than anything else that could possible be done to him.

Nimble finger undid the buttons on his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders. His trousers were undone and slipped down his legs. Sirius moved his lips down Harry's neck, nibbling and sucking. Harry combed his fingers through his lover's hair moaning at him for more.

Harry was soon completely naked writhing beneath Sirius, desperate for friction so he could get off. Suddenly, Sirius's touch was completely gone. Harry's eyes popped open to find Sirius divesting himself of his clothes. Harry moaned again, just the sight of Sirius was enough to get him to his peak.

He watched Sirius take his clothes off with hooded eyes, slowly stroking his rock hard shaft. He knew that in the morning, if Sirius said this had been a mistake, it would kill him. But right now, he would take all he could get, and spend the rest of his life remembering it as often as possible.

Before that thought process could get him depressed, however, Sirius was on him again. Hands stroked heated flesh, his tongue licked at the sweat glistening skin.

Sirius licked a long, slow path up from Harry's belly button to his ear. He started to whisper what he was going to do to Harry's body.

"Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are? I can't wait to sink my cock deep into the heat of your body, that tight little hole clenching around my cock as you come just from me fucking you. I'll watch as your body writhes with the pleasure only I can give you. Do you like the sound of that Harry? Does the thought of me fucking you get you hard for me?"

Harry wrapped his arms around Sirius's shoulders, bringing his lips to the older man's ear, "I want you to fuck me, Sirius. I want you to take me, claim me, make me yours for the rest of our lives. I want to belong to you and only you, and the only way I can do that is if you shut the hell up and make good on your promises. Please Sirius. I've waited so long. Fuck me."

Sirius moaned at the words leaving his godson's mouth, and decided to do as he suggested.

Harry moaned at the feeling of lubricated fingers at his hole, sliding first one, than two inside his willing body. He fucked himself down on them, not caring that he probably looked like a wanton whore; just caring about Sirius getting on with fucking him into the mattress.

"Please Sirius. I'm ready, please take me now."

That seemed to be all that needed to be said because the fingers were removed and his legs were pushed up to his chest. He looked down his body, watching as Sirius lined his cock up with Harry's hole, watching as the firm piece of flesh slowly slide into his body, moaning at the feeling of being stretched by the one he loved more than life itself. His cock was soon seated to the hilt and he stayed there until Harry gave him the go ahead to move.

He never moved his eyes way from where their bodies were joined, watching Sirius fuck into him. He let his eyes trail up his lover's body, seeing his chest heave with his panted breaths, the pulse in his neck pumping quickly, his mouth open in a silent moan and his eyes closed in ecstasy. It was the most erotic thing Harry had ever laid his eyes on.

Between the pounding of his arse and the pumping of the hand on his cock, Sirius leaned down to seal their lips together, swallowing Harry's moan at a particularly hard thrust into his prostate.

Harry came suddenly with absolutely no warning. He came so hard that he blacked out just as Sirius moan his name and his come shot into his arse.

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

When Harry awoke, light was streaming in through the window. He quickly closed his eyes, warding off the light, all the while wondering what time it was.

The next thing he noticed, was that he wasn't alone.

He opened his eyes again and from his place on the man's chest, looked up to meet those deep blue eyes he loved so damn much.

"So last night wasn't a dream then." He had said it more to himself, but Sirius heard him.

"No, love. Last night was very much real." Sirius let his hand stroke through Harry's hair, fingers combing it, trying to gently work out the knots.

Harry was bewildered. He thought that Sirius would be gone by now, but obviously he was wrong. Maybe...maybe Sirius realized he loved him too?

Harry shook his head. No, last night had to have been a one time thing. Harry sighed sadly. He really never should have let it happen.

But, hadn't Harry stopped making assumptions a long time ago? He would get answers before he did anything he might regret. Or maybe, he was just still hoping Sirius loved him.

Harry took a deep breath and looked into the older man's eyes, "Sirius...what was last night?"

Sirius watched as Harry composed himself before looking up at him with guarded eyes. He hated himself, because he knew it was his fault that look was there at all. Harry was afraid of being hurt again. Sirius vowed to do whatever he had to to make Harry trust him again.

He pulled Harry to sit next to him against the headboard, pushing himself up onto his knees. He knelt in front of his lover, sighed and looked up to meet his eyes. He could drown in those orbs of green color.

"This is a long story Harry. But I need you to hear me out." Sirius watched Harry nod his confirmation. He took a deep breath and began.

"Harry, the summer before your 6th year, that night we spent together was the best night of my life. I had been thinking about you in a way that I felt I shouldn't have for a long time before that and that night, I had lost all sense of reason. It had been wonderful and perfect and when it was over, I just convinced myself to feel guilty and ashamed of it. You're my deceaced best friend's son, you're my godson, you're so much younger than me; I was sure it was wrong. When you said you loved me, I hadn't even realized how much I wanted it. I just kept telling myself that you would get over it, that you just thought you were in love with. I guess I was afraid of getting hurt if that had been true. You left the next day, but I couldn't really blame you after what I had said.

I spent the next two months," he swallowed and took a deep breath, bracing himself. "I spent the next two months...sleeping with guy after guy, hoping to get the feelings that you had given me that night. But know matter who I slept with, it was never the same. In fact, it left me feeling more empty than before.

Then I got that letter from Ron and Hermione, asking me to come and visit you. It said that you had been really depressed lately and they thought I could help. I don't remember ever feeling as happy as I was when I thought you had wanted to see me. I should have known that you would be depressed for an entirely different reason, but I was still telling myself that you didn't really love me. I got there, expecting you to run into my arms, when you really didn't even want me there. That weekend was horrible because all I could think about was wanting my godson back.

That night in the Astronomy Tower, I just wanted to die when I saw the tears in your eyes; you shouldn't have been crying for something that was my fault. I deluded myself into thinking you fancied yourself in love with me because we had been intimate. You said that one day the truth would reveal itself and would realize that I had been wrong. I just didn't get what you meant until recently.

But after that, I started up again. Guy after guy, night after night. I never slept with the same person for too long; I was on a quest to find someone who could make me feel the way you did. For a year, it worked. The sleeping around kept me distracted enough not to notice just how much I missed you.

Then I met John. He reminded me a lot of you, though I thought that there was enough physical differences for people not to notice the resemblance. We were happy, well as happy as I could be with a substitute. I think he could tell I wasn't fully in it, but he never said anything.

Than I saw you in going towards the Weasley twins' store and I just had to stop you. I hadn't known if you would have seen me with John but I had missed you so much that I couldn't help it. You had realized my replacement of you, hadn't you? I could see it in your eyes that you had. When I asked you to be my best man at the wedding, I hadn't known that I had really wished you would say no, that you loved me to much to do it. But I had hugged you anyways, wanting to hold on and never let go. You were so warm and you fit perfectly in my arms. I let you go and watched you go stand between Draco and Blaise. I was jealous that I couldn't keep _my_ arms around you, but I could see you looked almost...dead. I thought that me asking you to be at my wedding in general could have done it.

Two weeks later, John tells me he can't marry me. He told me that it was because you loved me and he couldn't hurt you that way. I told him you didn't love me, you just thought you did. He basically told me I was clueless before giving me back my ring and walking out of my life. I went to your house, angry; not at you, but at myself. I just decided to take it out on you. I regret that day Harry. I regret coming there and the entire fight in general. I still find it hard to believe that I almost hit you. I would never lay a hand on you to hurt you Harry. I just wasn't in my right mind. I guess I was finally realizing just how much I loved you."

Sirius watched the tear roll down Harry's cheeks and wiped them away with his thumbs. Sirius's voice stayed just as soft as it ahd been the entire conversation as he continued.

"This past year I've been trying to sort out my emotions. Trying to decifer what I feel for you, how exactly to get you forgive me. I will admit to trying to forget you for a while, but it didn't work for long. Not when I had nothing else to keep my mind off of you. So when I got the letter that said Draco and Blaise were bonding, I wondered if maybe you would be there. I thought that I would at least come and tell them congradulations, but it was really just an excuse to see if you had come. When I saw you, I knew that I loved you more than life itself. I know I've made some mistakes these last few years. I know I can't take away the pain I've caused you. I don't know how to apologize for everything that has happened to this point. All I know is that, if you let me, I wil spend the rest of my life making you happy. I'll understand if you want me to leave you alone and if makes you happy I will. I just need you to know that I love you."

When Sirius was done, he looked into Harry's eyes, expecting to see rejection in those endless seas of emerald, but to his surprise, he saw nothing but happiness.

"Do you have any idea how long I've waited to hear you say that you love me? Do you honestly think I'm going to tell you to go away?" Harry smiled lovingly at the older man kneeling in front of him, before launching himslef at Sirius; catching him off gaurd. Harry planted his lips over his lover's and twined his fingers with Sirius's own, pinning his hands above his head.

Harry felt Sirius try to push up on his hands, but he held them down. He wasn't done yet. "You know, back in 6th year, I always told myself that I would wait for you. I would wait for however long it took. And I did. It doesn't matter to me that you have been with other people because so have I. All that matters now is that you're mine."

"I'm yours. Always." Sirius whispered to him.

"I love you Sirius."

"I love you too."

Those little words were music to Harry ears.

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

Later that night, after many more rounds of lovemaking, they emerged from their room; realizing they were still in Malfoy manor, and while Sirius went to apparate home, Harry promised to meet him there in a minute. He had to talk to someone first.

Sirius wasn't happy about letting Harry go, but he consented nonetheless. As soon as he was gone, Harry went in search of Draco and Blaise.

He found them in Lucius's study, sitting with Severus and Lucius sipping firewhiskey. Harry made sure he looked heartbroken. They were going to confess before he told them the good news.

"Harry?" Draco was the first to notice the Gryffindor. He looked into Harry's watery eyes and immediately hated himself.

"Why?" was all Harry asked.

"I thought that maybe he would come to his senses Harry. I was only trying to help. What happened love?"

Draco sounded so sad as he and Blaise both wrapped their arms around Harry. Harry almost felt bad for lying to them. Almost.

"He told me..."

"What, what did he tell you, Harry?" Draco sounded desperate to know what the bastard had said to hurt his best friend. With this reaction coming from Harry, he might just have to commit murder.

"He told me...that he loves me too." This came out just as two big obviously fake tears came out of his eyes.

Draco was so frazzled that he hadn't grasped what had been said just yet, "He told you-" Recogniton hit his face then and he narrowed his eyes dangerously. Severus, Lucius and Blaise let go of the laughter they had been holding in.

As Harry joined in with the laughing trio, Draco let go and sat back down, crossing his arms and pouting.

Harry collected himself first and went to Draco, plopping into his lap, "Don't pout, Dray. I just had to get a confession as to who it was that sent out that invitation."

"Well that wasn't nice. I was afraid I was going to have to hunt down the dog and chop his balls off for hurting you again." He wrapped his arms around Harry's middle.

"Don't call him that and if you ever go anywhere near his balls, I'll have to kill you. And I really don't want to do that, Draco. Besides, I wanted to thank you for inviting him. Last night had been perfect."

Blaise decided to speak up as he rest his hand dangerously high on Harry's leg, "Is he a better lover than us?"

He looked into Blaises playfully seductive eyes, "I don't know. That's a tough call. You were one excellent lover, dear." Harry batted his lashes at Blaise before they both laughed again.

Harry sighed and wiggled himself out of Draco's lap, "Well, I have to go. I have a man waiting for me."

Severus snorted, "Don't you mean dog?"

Harry looked contemplative for a moment, "Hmmm...that gives me an idea. I wonder if he'd fuck me as Padfoot." Four heads whipped around to stair wide eyed at the supposed Golden Boy. Harry smirked at them all before turning, adding a sway to his hips as he walked out the door. "I'll make sure to tell you how that feels, Severus. Because you seem so interested in what I go home to."

He retreat was followed by laughter again and Severus's 'Spoiled brat.' He walked out the front door, outside the gates and looked behind him at the manor once more. He sighed before smiling at the thought of who he got to go home to.

It might have taken him three years, but he had the man he loved with him now. He firmly believed in soulmates, and he knew Sirius was his. He would spend the rest of his life happy just because Sirius was with him.

It just goes to show that patience may really be a virtue. He sighed again, and, thinking of the inside of his lover's bedroom, disappeared with a soft pop.

* * *

**Well? What do you think? Tell me, tell me, tell me. **

**You all will have to tell me if you want an epilogue. If enough people like it, then I will make sure it is up by the end of this week.**

**You guys have been so wonderful throughout this story. I am glad you all likes it enough to read it through.**

**Love,**

**Kitkat**


	7. Epilogue

**Well, here it is. The Epilogue. I almost cried a the thought if it all being over...even if it wasn't all that long to begin with. Lol. Anyway, I was requested to add a chapter where Harry is fucked by Padfoot, but I didn't know how many of you would be comfortable with it. So, my solution will be to make it a one shot...a flashback of sorts as its own 'story.' With that being said, thank you all for staying with my story. Your reviews are what kept me going with it. Thank you.**

_Dreaming_

* * *

Harry groggily looked up from the chest he was laying against, into the face of his husband, Sirius Black. He smiled softly, sometimes still not believe how good looking Sirius stayed, even though he was getting older. almost 44 years old and not a gray hair nor wrinkle in sight.

Harry, as quietly as possible, rolled out of the bed he shared with his loverfor the last 5 years, his husband for 4, and walked into the bathroom. As much as he loved sex with Sirius, sometimes he didn't really enjoy the feeling of his come still in his anus.

When he was sure the water wouldn't burn the skin from his body, he stepped under the spray of the shower head, moaning as the strong water pressure helped work the kinks from his muscles.

He had only been in about 5 minutes before an amused voice broke off another of his moans, "You know, I'm beginning to wonder if I have a reason to be jealous of running water."

Harry smiled, but didn't reply; just pulled the shower curtain open. Soon, he and Sirius were washing each other's bodies. Gently rubbing the soap along the hard planes of muscle on his lover, Harry sighed in content. He never wanted this to end.

Sirius must have been thinking along the same lines because he pulled Harry to his chest and whispered, "I love you, Harry."

Harry looked up into the eyes of his lover, seeing the emotion that had just been proclaimed. "I love you, too."

Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting the water cascade down over his hair; rinsing away the soap, letting it swirl down the drain. He felt lips meet his own and he eagerly kissed back. He opened his mouth for the tongue probing at his lips, moaning at the familiar taste of his lover.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist, lifting him against a strong body. He wound his legs around Sirius's waist, feeling his back being pushed against the wall. He moaned loudly as he felt Sirius's erection brush against his. His arms wrapped aroung the other man's neck, fingers combing through hair.

Harry knew they wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

Later that day, Harry sat in the living room, reading his newest book. He admitted to have taken a liking to muggle romance novels. He loved to get new books, simply because some of them gave him ideas to try out with Sirius. Harry was sure his lover had been shocked to find out that Harry was kinky. Harry chuckled at the thought.

Soon, Harry was wrapped up in his memories. Harry remembered the day he had left Malfoy Manor to get back to his lover. He had found Sirius in the kitchen with a soft smile on his face drinking a cup of tea. Harry had walked up behind him, wrapped his arms around his waist, and whispered, 'I love you' into his ear. Sirius had taken Harry upstairs and made love to him all night long. There had been no rushing, just two people getting to know one anothers' bodies. It had been one of the best nights of Harry's life.

When Harry had told him what had transpired back at the manor the next day, the look in Sirius's eye when Harry mentioned what he had said to Severus, could only be descibed as unadulterated lust. They had explored that fantasy the next week and Harry had made a point of going into detail when he told Severus just how it felt. It had been hilarious to watch Severus's face morph into an expression of horror, then disgust, then anger when he realized everyone was laughing at him.

Harry had to change his train of thought, and quick, because he could feel his cock twitching to life and Sirius wasn't here.

Ron and Hermione still weren't talking to him, but not because of Draco and Blaise anymore. They had proved Sirius's rather irrational fear right when they had thought it incestuous for Harry and his godfather to be in a sexual relationship. They had seen the news of their wedding in the Daily Prophet and had come right over to Grimauld Place, demanding answers they really had had no right to; though Harry told them anyway. They had told him how disgusted they were with his behavior and that his parents would be ashamed of him. Harry hadn't really cared what they had to say, he knew his parents wouldn't have cared if he was in love with a hippogriff, they would have been happy as long as he was. He had told them that if they couldn't say anything worth hearing, then they could leave. He hadn't talked to them since.

The way he looked at it, he deserved better. If they couldn't accept his choices and support him in anyway possible, then why should he worry about it? He was in love with his godfather, and yes it might be wrong on some levels, to some people; but it wasn't to him. Love was love; there was nothing else to it.

Harry sighed. He did sometimed miss them, but it was the thought of what they had said about his and Sirius' relationship that made him know they weren't worth his time anymore.

He shook his head away from the depressing thoughts, not knowing what to think about that didn't either get him horny or make him feel like crying. He figured he would try to get some sleep.

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

_Harry was asleep. He could tell because of the way it was slightly fuzzy around the edges of his mind, but the dream seemed so real. It really didn't feel like a dream at all._

_Harry was sitting on the bed he shared with his husband in Grimauld Place, reading one his books; like he would any other time. Only, this had one major difference. His belly was protuding far away from the rest of his body; he looked about 8 months pregnant._

_Sirius walked into the room, "How's my baby doing today?"_

_Harry looked up and replied, "He's fine. A little restless but Poppy said that was normal this far along in my pregnancy. I think he is more than ready to come out."_

_Harry placed his hand on his belly, feeling his little boy kick in response. He smiled softly, feeling Sirius get onto the bed with him. His lover's hand covered his own._

_"After 5 years, we finally get a baby of our own. I bet he'll have your eyes, Harry." Sirius whispered softly. He obviously didn't want to disturb the peace of the moment._

_"I hope he has yours. I love your beautiful ocean blue orbs." Harry leaned forward, bestowing a loving kiss to the older man's lips._

_Sirius chuckled almost inaudibly, "Your silly."_

_"Not silly. Just desperately in love. Still, after all these year."_

_"I love you, Harry._

_The baby kicked again and Sirius chuckled once more, "And I love you too James."_

_Harry smiled lovingly at his husband. Harry really hoped that one day, this dream might come true._

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

Harry woke slowly, tears leaking from the corner of his eyes, his hand immediately going to rest on his stomach. It was flat, unlike his dream, but he swore he felt something move inside of him.

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

It had been a month since that dream had occured. Harry hadn't had it again, though he did tell Sirius about it. Sirius told him it was probably just his want for a child and at the time, Harry had thought the same thing. Only now he wasn't so sure.

The past few day Harry had been feeling nauseated. Almost every time he ate, he threw it right back up. Hell, even when he didn't eat, he threw up. Sirius was getting worried; it was lasting longer than a normal stomach sickness would.

Harry calmed his husband's nerves the best he could, but no one could really calm him down all that much. Not until Harry promised to go see Severus, that is.

Harry decided to go when Sirius wasn't home; if his suspicions were correct, he wanted time to adjust before he filled Sirius in. It might sound selfish, but he knew his husband would respect his wishes.

When he came to Malfoy Manor to see the retired Potion's Master, Severus wasn't overly happy to see him, not that he ever was, but he wasn't down right cruel either. Harry knew he could have gone to St. Mungo's, but he trusted Severus more than any other medi-wizard, something that he found horribly shocking, and he wanted to be examined by someone he knew well.

"What brings you here today, Mr. Potter?" Harry was slightly nervous about the results, but he knew he had to do this.

"Well, I've been feeling rather sick to my stomach as of late. I know it isn't abnormal or anything, but I need to know if I could possibly be pregnant."

Severus's eyes widened in surprise momentarily, porbably at the bluntness of Harry's question, before he regained his composure. "I will have to do a few tests."

The older man took out his wand and started muttering spells. Lights of certain colors flashed from his wand as he did different tests, examining his vitals and searching for other things that could cause the nausea.

The last one he did was the pregnancy test, having not found anything else that could be the problem. If he pointed his wand at Harry lower belly and the light turned pink, he wasn't pregnant. But if it turned blue...

Severus said the spell that would make Harry the happiest man alive if it were positive, and after a moment, a light shown from the tip of his wand...

~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~HPSB~

Harry screamed loudly as another wave of pain washed over him. Sirius was holding his hand telling him everything would be alright soon, that they would have there healthy baby boy with them. Harry tried hard to hear his love's voice, but the pain was so intense, it was almost all he could focus on. Also, having Severus Snape between his legs, looking at Harry's dialated anus, wasn't helping matters either.

"Now, Harry, I need you to push on the count of three. Ready, one, two, three." Severus said in a firm, but somehow soothing, voice.

Harry screamed again as he pushed as hard as he could. He had read about child birth, male and female alike, and they hadn't been kidding when they had said it was like squeezing a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon when dialated; not that the dialation helped at all. He wanted to sneer at the thought but was in to much pain to do so.

"One, two, three; push."

Harry pushed again, and he felt the head of his baby crowning. He had to push a few more times before he felt his little boy's head leave him.

But if he thought the head was painful, pushing out his shoulders were even worse.

He screamed anew as he attempted to push his baby out. He should have gone with the cesarian, but he had thought it was to...to...oh hell, he couldn't think of the word at a time like this.

Soon though, his shoulders were out, and the rest of the boy's body followed relatively easy, not nearly easy enough for the Harry, but at least it was quicker than the babies upper portion had been. What had felt like eternity to Harry, had really only been about two hours. But that didn't count the time between when he went into labor and when he had to push.

He watched through tired hooded eyes as Severus spanked his baby's butt to get him to start crying. When he did, he went through the motions of cleaning and putting him in the little clothes Sirius had made sure to bring him. Harry had already forgotten what they looked like.

When he was all done, his baby was laid in his arms. He looked down into deep blue eyes, noticing immediately that they had flecks of emerald throughout. He had Harry's nose, Sirius's lips, their eyes mixed... Harry laid the baby down and started to count his fingers and toes.

_1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10 fingers_

_1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10 toes._

He smiled at his baby, softly tapping his nose, already knowing what they were going to name him.

He looked up at his husband of 5 years now, seeing tears in his eyes.

"Welcome to the world James Draconis Potter-Black."

* * *

**Well, there it is. Two things. I don't know if I got the birth right, but I tried my best to get it as realistic as possible...what with it being a man giving birth and all. Anyway, two, I don't know if I spelled Draco's full name right. All I know is that I like the name and wanted it to be Harry's baby's middle name. So, I hope you all enjoyed it. I kow it probably could have been better, but that was what I had had in mind for some time now. **

**And the fingers and toes thing...it is something my mom did to me when I was born, so I added it on. **

**With that being said, if your interested, keep an out for that oneshot flashback thingy...lol. I will try to have it posted within the next week or so. **

**Love,**

**Kitkat**


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